Sans Fanfare

Just another day.

I used to believe that its only a cliche when people use to describe their birthdays. And of course, modesty being the main emphasis of that slightly pretentious remark.

Though, this year for me its very much what it means....

Days before the 20th; I had alot to think about. I thought of how people generally treated each other. I thought about what it really means to be a true friend. And I also thought about how selfish human beings can be. I come to realise people are all the same.

We're selfish beings and we expect the world from everyone around us. But....when the tables are turned; we never bother to return gestures that we hoped others would offer us.

Its one sarcastic way to relate to the phrase; "Do un-to others, what you want others to do un-to you."

Still, besides all that....this year's birthday for me was really below the radar. Didnt celebrate at all. All I did was went to Robertson Walk to catch the FA Cup finals with Ho, Boss and Irma. After that, a quick supper and headed home.

And finally for the big day today? Well, just went out with Ho to help him set up his new PC system and thats about it. Been surfing the net and sleeping the rest of the entire afternoon. In many ways..... it just didnt feel like it was a special day.

Looking back, I cant complain much. I remembered years ago on my 22nd birthday.....went down as the most memorable days in history for me.

I was still in Penang and my ex was in Singapore. On the night of the 19th, she gave me a real pleasant surprised and she told me she was back in Penang to celebrate my birthday with me. Ecstatic, I prepared for the next day ever so looking forward to see her.

BUT........turns out she called me in the morning and told me it was that-time-of-the-month and she needed me to run some errands for her - since she didnt feel like going out. So, there I was driving around Penang with a list of chores to get done......on my birthday.

Compared that to this year? I guess this year it aint so bad.

Anyway, I was thinking to myself since its my birthday today and I was at Sim Lim..... it was pretty much inevitable I should get something for myself. And since I just squandered a couple of hundred bucks earlier this month on my new spanking 8600GTS graphic card and Wireless Laser mouse......... obviously there's only one thing left to get........

Say HELLO to my new BARRACUDA GAMING MOUSE PAD!!!!!!

Another Weekend.....

Its becoming routine stayin home on weekends and watch movies and eating junk food. There's nowhere interesting to go anyway. Might as well pig out at home I guess.

The live Arsenal match ongoing now has been disappointing so far. Lack of flair and determination, somehow it feels like the players are struggling from the minute 1.

Oh well.....thats football for you I guess.

These days, I'm not too sure why....But somehow I have this feeling like I'm waiting for something to happen. I'm not too sure what it is...but it feels like my life is now currently idle. Just waiting for that one event that will change my life. Then again. I'm not too sure if its a good thing.

Been extremely busy with work lately. Other than the normal work loads, being part of this year's Reccomm starts to feel more like an irritating chore rather than anything else. I still remember when I was first selected to join; I was told not to let my Reccom duties spill over to my personal time - simply because it shouldnt be a burden, but an extra-curicular activity of the company.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight.

Still, being in Reccom did stir up my interest in designing again - since I'm suppose to be the Design Guy (among other tonnes of responsibilities) in the committee. So far I have designed (amateurishly) 5 creatives for 2 different events.

M1 CS Fatt Choy CNY Celebrations 2007

M1 CS Bowling Tournament 2007

As you can see, it isnt exactly the Mona Lisa. No doubt there are some typos here and there; and its rough around the edges.....but I'm kinda happy with it =)

Tale of 2 Countries

Ok, its my 3rd off day and I'm still feeling like shit. Apparently the so-called "feeling-better" last night as a false positive. Woke up today sneezing, wheezing and like head's been rolled over by a 4x4. Though, I guess the day was not entirely wasted.

Managed to get my hands of 2 of Clint Eastwood's latest movies; Flags Of Our Fathers and Letters From Iwo Jima. These 2 movies are directed by Clint Eastwood himself and of course, produced by Steven Spielberg. I was expecting many battle scenes ala Saving Private Ryan with much dramatic fanfare. However, I was pleasantly surprised otherwise.

These 2 movies depicts the one of the last few battles of World War 2. The story takes place entirely on the island of Iwo Jima, the last standing island between the US before they bombarded Hiroshima with the A-bomb. Still, the ingenious part of about bringing this story from history books to the silver screen is telling it from 2 different perspective. Hence, Flags Of Our Fathers is told from an American perspective; while Letters From Iwo Jima told it from a Japanese perspective.

Its really surreal to watch these 2 movies back to back. And somehow you cant help but to feel empathetic for the soldiers fighting from each side. Though, you might also be wondering what's so special about this particular battle of Iwo Jima? Well, to the world; thats where the iconic "shot" was taken. 5 American soldiers hoisting up a pole with the American flag - albeit there was some confusion over the identities of the actual soldiers involved.

In essence, in the end there no who's right or wrong; who's more patriotic. In the end, its about humanity. No doubt countries have their differences. But because when you have assholes at the top making a jackass's decision......everyone's going to hell.

I suggest watching Flags Of Our Father's first. Then move on to Letters From Iwo Jima. Somehow the latter feels more humane and paints a better picture of what the soldiers have to deal with during man's darkest hours.

ummmm...then again, if you're no history buff or fan of mar movies...there's always Ken Watanabe's stellar performance =)

Gone Public

Hey people! I'm back.

After months of hiatus, somehow today I found the inspiration to update my blog. And whats more, I also decided to go public again. For the uninitiated, I made my blog "private" a few months back cos I found out my-ass-of-a-brother was showing my mum my blog. Personally, there are just somethings you rather not let your parents know. No point getting them worried about my personal trials and tribulations.

BUT.....now that my brother have moved out from my parent's place; I guess its time to come out of "hiding" =)

So what have I been doing of late? (since my last entry was in January). Well, sad to say nothing much I guess. Been working like a dog ever since I joined CR. Though its not really a bad thing.

The work itself is fulfilling....and the OTs contributed? Rewarding. Been hitting a minimum of 30 hours every month. Cant really complain about the extra moolah....now that I'm subjected to 15% CPF deductions!!! Arrrggg!!! By next Feb, it'll be 20%. Sigh....

Anyway, I finally had a good rest this weekend. Been working non-stop for the past 3 weeks; I'm finally able to clear my off-in-lieu tomorrow. Of course, this would mean a 3 day weekend for me!!! Hahahahah.....for all those of you who have to wake up tomorrow to face the Monday blues, Eat Your Socks!!!!

Then again....the moment you thought I'd have a splendid weekend. Think again. There I was. Last Friday afternoon. Got off out of office at 3pm to recky the venue for this year's CS Bash, I got home at 5pm. Would you believe that!?!?!!? For the first time in months, I was home when there's still daylight on a weekday. Sheesh.

But later that night.....the stupidest thing happened. I was caught in the rain and I'm now down with fever and flu. Just my luck. With an extended weekend, all I did was stayed at home. The worst thing about staying alone and falling sick is taking care of yourself. Too sick to get out of bed, too lazy to do anything else.

Still, I am feeling better already =)

Other than that, I've been "cleaning" up my PC which I have long neglected. Manage to tidy up my folder system and decided to revamp my desktop.

I know, I know....I'm into that geek/nerd mode again. But hey.....look at my desktop now!!!! Aint it cool?!?!?! Its called "The Endless" by Neil Gaiman. Google it. It features 7 siblings - Desire, Despair, Destiny, Dream, Death, Delirium, Destruction. Interesting stuff.

Hehehe. Oh, how we find joy in the simple things in life.

Life is at a state of constipation

Well, here I am again. I decided to post another entry before I really start to forget my blogger account password.

It has been definitely a while back since my last entry. In retrospect, sometimes I have no idea what to update with regard my life.

Nevertheless, I feel a chink in my neck every time I procrastinate updating my blog. In a way I know how much fun it is to re-visit the old memories that I've logged here. This blog consist of the best and worse of my life for the past 3 years. For every special date, event or anniversary; I would flip back these digital pages and ask myself what was I doing, where was I or who was I with.

Christmas, New Year, Valentines, birthdays. One year's of comparison to the previous one.

=========================================

Anyway, so what have I been up to lately? Nothing much. Work, work, work and more work. I know that I have complained about being too busy before. But these days its different. In some strange way, I feel that the work I do these days is much more meaningful.

Being busy for meaningful reasons is much more fulfilling that being busy doing monotonous "chores" on a daily basis. These days; I solve so-called "mysteries" and "miseries".

After some time, one tends to adapt to one's profession. Personally I feel its a good thing that I've been kept busy. I have forgotten about the bitter taste of being alone and of course; being single. No more sad lonely nights depriving and feeding-in self pity on Saturday nights.

Strangely, I have lost the interest to be hip/happening and longing to go on dates during the weekend.

Dont get me wrong....I am still looking for the right one. And I do enjoy the company of friends and going on casual dates. But then again, when you're that busy, who has the time to think about love?

I always tell myself.......when people complain about work; they see the day as one huge busy day. And from time to time, they take a breather during the day - smoke breaks, coffee breaks.

From the way I see it, my work starts on Monday......and it goes like a unstoppable-unwavering-locomotive till Friday. You wanna talk about breaks and breathers? The only breather I have is when I get home to sleep at nights.

Of course, things wouldnt be so busy if my company didnt launch that crap of a service they call broadband. Dont get me started. I could go on and on and on and on to condemn the damn thing.
Still.......life is still mundane for me. It has always been. The only difference is that I'm only busier these days and I take satisfaction of my current work.

Oh one thing before I forget too. Kinda happy with myself with one aspect. You see, one of my New Year's resolution is to stay as far away as I can from my ex. Like I said in the last post....she's nothing but trouble.

And...relating to this; she tried to contact me today via MSN for God-knows-how-long. Immediately she asked me about getting a driver's license in Singapore. I just told that I dont know much and thats about it. I didnt want to get into any long winded conversation with her and I didnt even wanted to know why she's getting a driver's license. Most probably she wanted to brag about getting a new boyfriend with a car and all.

Well, I can say is....screw it. Dont come and tell me about your life, cos I'm not interested.

Yeah, people can say bygones be bygones. But this gal has practically ruined my life once. No doubt we are still "friends"; but she still has the means to hurt me. Finally now, I'm stamping my foot down and say "No more".

No more emotional turmoil from her.

So thats about it. After a short hiatus from blogging, thats the update I have for now. Other than all of the above, the only rant I have is a slight case of constipation. And even for that.....I went out to buy a pack of Vitagen earlier. Been gushing it down ever since.

Lets hope the toilet bowl comes calling soon.

At this point in time.....my life reminds an old song; Barely Breathing by Duncan Sheik. Some of you might remember it. Sad, desperate and unrelenting. But sounds DAMN GOOD.

C'est la vie.

New Year.....again.

Its the New Year.

I know. Its been a while since I blogged. And how apt that my return to blogging would be the first day of 2007.

Well, what can I say? Cant say I had an exciting new year countdown. Cant say I had a happy partying time at the stroke of midnight.

Where was I? At the stroke of midnight....I was in the cinema watching Death Note 2. Yup.

In retrospect, I guess its like what people say....this is as good as it get.

Sigh....deep in my heart I truly hope 2007 will be a better year for me. 2006 was just a total waste of time. Achieved nothing....tore up my career.....squander my finances....and allow myself to be hurt again emotionally.

I have slowly begin to understand that maybe I'm not meant for great things. Many call it resigning to fate. Guess they're right.

And to top it all off.....Christmas 2006 was really bitter sweet. Not many people know I guess. But thats the part where I allowed myself to be vulnerable again. Something which I swore I never allow myself to be victim of. Christmas this year was about the happiest time of my life in Singapore....and also the saddest.

I saw 2 worlds. 2 different lives I could have lived. What my life could be. Sad to say....I lost the one I treasured the most.

Right about now.....I can safely conclude where I stand in that person's eyes.....and heart.

Sigh.....I hate this feeling. How can someone love another so much that the other person feels totally opposite. Nothing. Where does one do all this feelings and emotions? No matter how much I hate to admit it....somethings are not meant to be.

What can I do? Nothing much really. Just keep it to myself.

As with my ex-gf, guess things finally died down. I realised the less I see of the and the less I contact her....the better it is. Whenever our lives crosses path, it always results in a disaster. Nothing goos will come out of it....

And ever since I decided to stop contacting her.....that part of my life finally found peace.

I really hope 2007 will be a better year. Yet......I have nothing to ask from God. Just a "thank you" for seeing me thru my toughest times. I am already thankful I have my health and my family to support me.

I hope I can be strong.

2 Weddings and 1 CS Bash

After 2 weddings and 1 CS Bash, you can say my wallet's pretty much been through some tough times.

But then again, its been a really rewarding week. So much so that the week went by in a flash. For work itself, I am starting to get alot of hardcore cases....which I'm glad to say I manage to clear a good many of them.

As for the CS Bash, must admit its pretty lame compared to the previous ones I attended. Though, the saving grace about the even itself was the after event party.

We proceeded to go over to Attica at Clark Quay.

Its been a while since I clubbed, must admit it feels abit weird. No matter how hard I try....its just not in me to "play around" while clubbing. I can never bring myself to flirt around and get all touchy feely with the gals. No matter how inviting they are.

Sigh. Sometimes I wish I was someone else and be one of those play boys and have some fun. Still dunno wats stopping me anyway.

And talking about this.....kinda reminded me of my ex. Another...sigh.

After all this while, even now we're friends.....she still has the ability to hurt me. I have no idea whats going on with me. Sometimes when I meet up with her from time to time....I still question myself what to expect from the outing.

For instance, was suppose to meet up with her for the new Bond movie. I was really excited to watch the movie and further she promised she'll watch it with me.

And guess what? When I checked with her again, she told me she already watched it and she wont be able to meet up.

After that. I had no idea what to feel. Dissapointed? Angry? Sad? Frustrated?

I really have no idea. We've broken up for almost 2 years now. And WHY am I feeling this way? All I know is that she still have what it takes to hurt this heart of mine.

For now, atleast I have reprieve from this song a friend of mine sent me. Really meaningful lyrics. How I wish I can...Breathe Again.

Have you wondered how it feels when it''s all over
　　Wondered how would it feels when you just have to start a new
　　Never knowing where you''re going when you face a brand new day
　　It used to be that way Now I just close my eyes and say
　　
　　I just wanna breathe again
　　Learn to face joy and pain
　　Discover how to laugh a little , cry a little , live a little more
　　I just wanna face the day
　　Forget about the worse of yesterday
　　Maybe if I hope a little , try a little more
　　I ''ll breathe again
　　
　　Starting out again is never easy
　　Disappointments come and go , but life still moves on
　　With a bit of luck , it ''s brand new start
　　That might just work my way
　　No need to walk away
　　Don ''t want to live on life replay
　　
　　I just want to breathe again
　　Learn to face joy and pain
　　Discover how to laugh a little , cry a little , live a little more
　　I just want to face the day
　　Forget about the worse of yesterday
　　Maybe if I hope a little , try a little more
　　I ''ll breathe again
　　
　　Things will work out fine
　　If you can find the courage to look past the night
　　To see the break of dawn
　　
　　I just want to breathe again
　　Learn to face joy and pain
　　Discover how to laugh a little , cry a little , live a little more
　　I just want to face the day
　　Forget about the worse of yesterday
　　Maybe if I hope a little , try a little more
　　I ''ll breathe again
　　
　　Oh breathe again