2 Weddings and 1 CS Bash

After 2 weddings and 1 CS Bash, you can say my wallet's pretty much been through some tough times.

But then again, its been a really rewarding week. So much so that the week went by in a flash. For work itself, I am starting to get alot of hardcore cases....which I'm glad to say I manage to clear a good many of them.

As for the CS Bash, must admit its pretty lame compared to the previous ones I attended. Though, the saving grace about the even itself was the after event party.

We proceeded to go over to Attica at Clark Quay.

Its been a while since I clubbed, must admit it feels abit weird. No matter how hard I try....its just not in me to "play around" while clubbing. I can never bring myself to flirt around and get all touchy feely with the gals. No matter how inviting they are.

Sigh. Sometimes I wish I was someone else and be one of those play boys and have some fun. Still dunno wats stopping me anyway.

And talking about this.....kinda reminded me of my ex. Another...sigh.

After all this while, even now we're friends.....she still has the ability to hurt me. I have no idea whats going on with me. Sometimes when I meet up with her from time to time....I still question myself what to expect from the outing.

For instance, was suppose to meet up with her for the new Bond movie. I was really excited to watch the movie and further she promised she'll watch it with me.

And guess what? When I checked with her again, she told me she already watched it and she wont be able to meet up.

After that. I had no idea what to feel. Dissapointed? Angry? Sad? Frustrated?

I really have no idea. We've broken up for almost 2 years now. And WHY am I feeling this way? All I know is that she still have what it takes to hurt this heart of mine.

For now, atleast I have reprieve from this song a friend of mine sent me. Really meaningful lyrics. How I wish I can...Breathe Again.

Have you wondered how it feels when it''s all over
　　Wondered how would it feels when you just have to start a new
　　Never knowing where you''re going when you face a brand new day
　　It used to be that way Now I just close my eyes and say
　　
　　I just wanna breathe again
　　Learn to face joy and pain
　　Discover how to laugh a little , cry a little , live a little more
　　I just wanna face the day
　　Forget about the worse of yesterday
　　Maybe if I hope a little , try a little more
　　I ''ll breathe again
　　
　　Starting out again is never easy
　　Disappointments come and go , but life still moves on
　　With a bit of luck , it ''s brand new start
　　That might just work my way
　　No need to walk away
　　Don ''t want to live on life replay
　　
　　I just want to breathe again
　　Learn to face joy and pain
　　Discover how to laugh a little , cry a little , live a little more
　　I just want to face the day
　　Forget about the worse of yesterday
　　Maybe if I hope a little , try a little more
　　I ''ll breathe again
　　
　　Things will work out fine
　　If you can find the courage to look past the night
　　To see the break of dawn
　　
　　I just want to breathe again
　　Learn to face joy and pain
　　Discover how to laugh a little , cry a little , live a little more
　　I just want to face the day
　　Forget about the worse of yesterday
　　Maybe if I hope a little , try a little more
　　I ''ll breathe again
　　
　　Oh breathe again

My new wallpaper!!!

Well, its been an interesting weekend. On Saturday, I went to the Singapore International Car Show 2006. And boy did I enjoy enjoy myself. First, there were plenty of cars.....and of course later; there's the real eye candy. Hehe.

I took plenty of pics. But the one I like the most was this one. I've even used it as my desktop wallpaper =)

Aint it cool? I still think photographically; its perfect!!!

And later on Sunday, I attended Joelle's wedding dinner at Grand ParkRoyal hotel. And as usual, it was like a reunion of sorts with ex-colleagues that have left M1.

Heaven?

Sigh. I guess its better this way.

These days I'm pretty hesitant to update my blog. Not known to many, my life right now isnt exactly a bed of roses.

And what made matters worst. Is that my brilliant brother decided to introduce my blog to my mum. Though, not that I have anything to hide from my mum, but I dont want her to read about my sadness and frustrations.

So, comes along this new service by Blogger Beta. Restricted access on my personal blog.

I never thought I would ever had to resort to this. But still.....having this feature now makes me feel a lil bit more at ease. Now I can bitch, curse, swear and pour out all my frustrations and anger.

What tops the list these days is financially related I guess. For all the hardwork I put in to these years; I have to start all over again. Start saving from scratch. No way I'm touching any of the savings I have back in Penang.

So, what does that leave me? Lower salary compared to 3 years ago. Increasing rental and standard of living. And a huge credit card debt that I have no idea when will I be able to clear. And the worst part? Spending money unnecessarily on people that I have no idea cares for me or not. Still....sometimes you cant measure friendship with the amount of money you spend on them.

Today I had an interesting though infuriating chat with a couple of friends. We were basically just joking around seeing that the weather is rainy, nice and cooling.

Then a friend mentioned, "How nice if we're at Marina South now enjoying a nice steamboat dinner. Heaven".

The moment he said that, naturally I'd want to retort by saying something witty. But then.....it really got me thinking. What is the definition of Heaven to me? Is it winning millions of dollars from the Toto draw? Is it going on a cruise ship holiday in the Carribean? Is it being back in Penang with all my friends?

No.

Somehow, I couldnt explain it. The one simple idea of Heaven to me at that point in time....waking up late in the day with the aroma of home cooked food all prepared.

Thats my idea of Heaven.

Then here comes the infuriating part. Another friend of mine just insensitively commented on my idea of heaven, "Aiya, dreams can be dreams la. Open your eyes and wake up to reality."

By then I really feel like giving him one tight slap. The reason I mentioned my idea of Heaven in the first place was to illustrate how lucky they are. How lucky to have someone by their side everyday. Caring for them. Loving them.

For me, its a daily routine that I have to go out everyday to buy packet-food. Never once have the luxury having someone eat with me for company. Me sitting at home, eating my meals in front of the TV. Day in. Day out.

Alone.

Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind.