Sex, Lies & Murder

Lately, suddenly I have seen an upsurge of comment postings in my blog. And I have noticed something which actually I am surprised to see.

Typically in blog entries, I have always felt there are 2 types "articles" to be written. Like I've said in my previous posts, 1 has been the "daily report", where the blogger just basically update this online journal and tells about what he has done for that particular day or week.

Second, then there's the light hearted articles on his/her comments or opinions of what goes on around the world. Hence, personally I would feel these articles are of jest and a little bit more interesting to read. A few to name that I have written would be, the Miss Universe post, the Tricks of the Trade post and the Reality Bites post.

Now, one thing I have realised about writing 2 different types of postings are....they generate very different reactions. People are generally more interested in the juicy stuff. Controversies, scandals, sex, lies and murder.

When these topics are ever mentioned; not only in blogs but everywhere else......everyone starts to pay attention. Even more when it starts to involve my private life. Scandalous huh? So the end result is....I normally see more comment postings in articles that normally involves these topics...and less comments when I just talk about what I have been up to and what I have been doing. Ultimately, everyone has very different opinions about different things.

Regardless, it has really been interesting so far. I guess thats one of the good things about having a blog. Initially, I started this blog to keep as an online diary. Something that I can look back from time to time and see how I have grown over the years (thats if blogger.com is still in operation). And then, when I really got down to it.....I find that people have comments on certain things I mention or what I do with my life.

Still, its always good to know what people think regardless if the feedback is constructive or not. I guess, in time, I start to understand more on how people think....and at the same time understand myself better.

Misinterpretation? Clarified

Gosh......

Looks like the last post was really something. Received 4 comment postings....and thats alot by my standards. Still, I do enjoy reading feedbacks and also other people's comments; despite being good or bad.

However, I do feel the need to clarify something.

I just want to say.....I am over my ex.

Its been a while now since I have talked about my ex...and I can't really remember the last post that I've brought her up. The only reason I mentioned her in the previous entry; is because I wanted to explain the process of how I thought of the name for my blog.

Regardless, of how I feel about it now or how I felt for her previously, it was HOW I came about the name; StealthSunlight. I brought her up just to purely illustrate and re-inforce my point because that was how I actually came up with the name. Simply cos it was the truth.

In retrospect, my sleepless nights recently has nothing to do with my ex.

Guys and Gals and all those in between......please be clear on this; as people have been missing the entire point of my previous entry. I AM OVER MY EX. BEYOND A SHADOW OF A DOUBT. PERIOD.

Now....if I am really still thinking/missing of her? I'll shoot myself in the head. Twice. I promise.

The Meaning

Sigh....again, I can't seem to get any sleep.

Something's definately bothering me and I don't know what it is. Its getting frustrating. I really hate the feeling of going to work the next day feeling sleepy and light-headed. I've been trying to slowly dissect my thoughts and narrow-down the cause of all this tiresome weariness....but to no avail.

So I guess, thats why I'm here again. Writing this blog of mine gives me an escape from all the bothersome things around me. Nevertheless, its definately better than tossing and turning on my bed.

So what shall I write tonight? Sometimes its difficult to think of what to write....especially when I'm trying to think of a topic to distract myself from everything else....but one thing I am happy to announce is.......

MY BLOG HAS GENERATED OVER 1000 HITS!!!! WOoOOoOoOoHoOOoooOO!!! Thanks for all the support guys!!!

Sigh....

So I guess, for this special occasion, I'll reveal the answer to the question everyone has always been asking me about my blog.....

What does StealthSunlight mean?

The definition of Stealth - The act of moving, proceeding, or acting in a covert way.
The definition of Sunlight - Basically, just plain sunlight. Clear as day and bright as the sun. Something that surrounds us. Something good and pure.

This title of mine came with a great influence from my ex. You see, when I was with her.....I knew I loved her alot. But the problem was, I knew I had to have my friends as well. And one of those friends happen to be Joanne. She is one of the closest friends I have ever come to know, and she will always remain a true friend to me. She accepts all the good and the bad in me. I cherish our friendship.

Still, at the end of the day, it was just a platonic friendship.......Sadly, my ex never understood that. No doubt that once in a long long time ago, I had a crush on Joanne. But that was all history when I met my ex. I loved her 110% and there was nobody in this world that can replace her.

Ultimately, my ex wanted me to break all ties with Joanne. That.....I feel was just simply asking for too much. I know I love my ex. But asking me to throw away a true friendship was what I felt to be...irrational. Anyway, what can I simply feel for Joanne? She's all the way in UK, and happily attached to another guy....and I was already in love.

I guess maybe....... it was my fault that I didn't make my ex feel secure enough in the relationship. However, whatever the case.....I wasn't about to sacrifice any friendship just to convince my ex that I loved her. Joanne or not...no friendship was worth it.

Hence, this is when I started to.....lie. I told my ex that I have cut all ties with Joanne, but unknown to her, I still kept in touch with Joanne from time to time.

So thats how I felt about the whole thing. StealthSunlight.

A friendship should never be hidden. It is something good and pure that people should cherish. Yet, I have to continue my friendship with my friend secretly in hidden shadows. Not being able to acknowledge the friendship.

So....now you all know.

C.S.M.P.G

Its one of those nights again.

Can't seem to get any sleep at all. From what I can think of, its either I have been sleeping too much lately, or something's bothering me. And I have no idea what it is.

Its 4.15am now. And I'm wide awake. I have a good feeling that I'll be a walking zombie at work later.

Can't seem to put my mind at ease at all. My thoughts races through my mind at every second. Thoughts of going back to Penang. Thoughts of seeing my friends again. Thoughts of my parents.

Maybe all this was triggered by the news of my friend's passing. I miss the good old days back in Penang. Life was so carefree and all we had was the company of good friends. There were never worries about money, love or career. We were just genuinely happy.

My friends and I would really spend entire days and nights just chatting and talking crap. And the best is....everyone of those talk cock sessions are memorable ones.

We use to have a mantra. C.S.M.P.G. You know what that stands for? Everyone of us from Khans would know.

C.S - Counter Strike (a cybercafe game that we would spend 3 to 4 hours playing everynight)
M - Makan
P - Pondan (me and my friends used to drive by transvestites hang outs and shout at them)
G - Gurney Drive

Hence, it was set forth that everynight we went out, our iteninary would be C.S.M.P.G. We never failed to miss one item. Every outing would consist of these 4 activities before it was known as a complete outing. Normally, we would all meet up at a friend's place....then parked all our cars there. Then later, we moved out in convoys of 2 to 3 cars; all of us packed in our cars making jokes, laughing and talking cock most of the time.

I really love the times where we really had nowhere to go. But just drive around till around 4am mooning the Penang night life.

Yeah...we had FUN. We had ALOT OF FUN. I remembered there was once....we were driving by this particular group of transvestites. My friends wound down the car window, and shouted another friend's name and handphone number, and then started shouting, "Call Me!! Call Me!!!" And also....there was this time when we drove by and stopped for a while. This time it wasn't transvestites, but they were prostitutes. As we were all gawking at them.....suddenly we had the shock of our lives! We saw a friend we knew riding his bike out of the prostitute alley!!!!

It was damn hilarious. From then on, this friend of ours have always been the victim of our jokes and teasing. According to him, he claims he was there for another drive by as well. And we went......yeaaaaaaaaah....riiiiiiiiight...

Man........ I miss those days.

3 Days

Its been 3 days.

I have been resting at home for 3 days.

Unexpectedly, due to my MC and also a swap shift from another colleague, I am off for 3 whole days. And what have I been doing?

Absolutely nothing. And I love it.

Its been really a while since I had so much rest and all I did throughout the afternoons is just simply sleeping. Still, the nights were.....interesting.

Last night, I went out with a few colleagues to a place called Settlers. It was a real unique place with a touch of perculiarity to it. It was generally a restaurant cum boardgames hang-out. The place were filled with all sorts of imported boardgames. And you can play them while you have your dinner. From what I've counted, there were atleast 30 to 40 types of boardgames. This place is a real haven for boardgames enthusiats.

All in all, we were there from 8pm to 11.30pm. It was kinda fun. We played a game called Picnic something...and another called Citadel....and the last was called Geusstures - basically, it was Charades with a twist.

And for today, actually I just came back from a bowling session with the usual gang. The big boss, Sean, Marcel, Shu Lynn, Deborah and a few others. I must admit I bowled very badly tonight. Was really dissapointed with myself; as I couldn't concentrate at all. I guess...it was because minutes before we started bowling, I got news that a friend from Secondary school passed away.

This is the second death this year. A friend mentioned....it seems like the only time we ever had a reunion was when we're attending a friend's funeral.

Sigh........friendship and brotherhood binds us. We grow up together. We know each other.

Long Live Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Hamid Khan.....Class of '97.

M.C

Well, I guess as much...that I've been so busy lately that the only time when I am able to update my blog is when I fall sick and report for M.C. So here I am....

Its been really hectic lately. Hectic to the extent that I don't have much time for myself these days. Rather than updating my blog, I spend alot of time writing articles for the company newsletter. Initially it only began with 1 article. Thats what I thought. Now, I'm suppose to submit 3 articles every month, and at the same time, design the web layout for the newsletters. And with the morons at work scheduling me to work the 11.30pm shifts, I'm going out of my mind. Its been almost 3 weeks now, that I have been working this stupid shift.

Still, things aren't so bad. I have been busy for good reasons I guess. I've been going out quite a bit these days. If I knew myself better.....I think I'm starting to have a life here in Singapore. I used to think that my life in Singapore revolves around work and nothing else.

So what have I been up to? Well....lets start with the recent wedding's I have attended. First, there was Justin and Jasmine's wedding. And then there was Philip and Wendy's wedding.

It was really a shame that I didn't manage to take some photos with the brides and bridegrooms. However, atleast during the wedding dinners, I manage to meet up with ex-colleagues. Here's one with me and Rena.

Here's Me, Sean, Ah Ho, Angela and Chun.

Moving on, I recently had a small reunion with the closest people that I've come to known in Singapore. It was a Sunday morning and everyone manage to wake up for Dim Sum breakfast! We went to a really cosy, nice and faux pas looking restaurant close my my place, called Da Dong. The food was really good and I guess the best part about the place was the ambience.

It was really nice to see them again. Rena, Marcel and Siew Chi...who have just came back from Hong Kong recently. She was there for almost 3 months.

And here we are.....feeling fresh and having breakfast on a Sunday morning. We were there from 10am till 12.30pm. It was really nice to see all of them again.

And finally, last Saturday I took part in my company's Amazing Race!!! Hahaha... I must admit. At first, I was really reluctant to join the Race. And I knew I was in no condition to run continuously for 3 hours. Just imagine, we ran from Marina Square to Suntec City's Sky Garden, to Suntec City's Wealth fountain, up and down and around Carrefour. Sheesh!

And then from Suntec, we ran further to the Esplanade and finally ending the race at BoatQuay. It was realli tedious and straineous for me. Still, it was a whole lot of fun! The team I was in was really spectacular. Each member's strenght complimented the team and it also covered up for each other's weaknesses. We manage to solve puzzles and completed many of the games and task efficiently. With a team like that? It was no doubt we won the race!!! It was really satisfying and it was worth all the pain, sweat and work. Sigh.....sweet victory!

Ultimately, with all the running around, the next day all my muscles were aching and my leg was cramped up pretty badly. I couldn't walk properly and was limping most of the time. Ignorant, I still went to work. Bad idea. My calf muscles of my leg were aching most of the time and I was stuck to my chair at work.

So here I am now.....the only time I could update my blog is when I report for M.C. Then again, I guess it can only mean one thing.

I have a life.

Happiness Denied

Okay......its been quite a while since I updated my blog. And to be honest, I'm in a foul mood.

So many things have happened during the past few days.

..............................

Have anyone been denied something that they can't have? Have anyone been denied of the happiness that they have been seeking so tirelessly?

I can tell you from a personal perspective. Its hell.

Sigh....

I really don't know how to express myself. And I don't know what to say. Very simply.....I am just SAD.

Relationships are all f*cked up. Thats all I can say. When I manage to survive the torment and scars from my ex, I built a wall around my world and hope not be to hurt again. At one point, I was safe again.

But then thats the most screwed up thing about life. I was happy again, when suddenly I start to fall again for another person. But I know seriously in my heart that I am going to end up nowhere again. And I'm fine with picking up and moving on....since nothing happened anyway. But its the god-damn feeling of being vulnerable again. I just hate it.

Just the thought about being in a relationship really makes me feel insecure and all that crap.

Sigh....f*ck it...thats all for this post.

Frontline

Frontline - A term most commonly used for military campaigns. A term used for the best of the best military men to lead the army into battle. The survival of the frontline men will depend on their skill and......the tactical support of their generals.

Where I am working? No such thing.

Its been tough these days; and the management at my work place isn't helping either.

As a frontline stuff, we deal with customers everyday and sometimes we rely on the support and understanding of the management. However, recently things turned for the worse. Now, there isn't any glamour or exclusivity being on the frontline. Now....we're bottom feeders. Bottom of the food chain. We have to answer to customers, and we have to answer to management.

If this was compared to any 1940s military campaign......we're dead underwater. First off, being in the frontline is already something not many can do. However, with the "expert" tactical strategy given by our "generals".....its like sending us to the enemy's stronghold armed only with....water-pistols.

Then there's worse. Even if we were given the sufficient weapons to fight the enemy, the "generals" make another "expert" decision.....and then its like going to war with a gun....without bullets. Sigh......its nothing but a slaughter day after day after day.

AND......there ARE worse things. With the enemy in front....and the "generals" behind...you would think you are stuck in a bad place. Think again. There's the food in the cafeteria.

The nonsense that they serve everyday just makes you want to puke. Its like in the battlefield, when you are fighthing the enemy head-on....the generals behind you are hurling grenades at you! Its like they're bloody aiming for your heads!!!!

All I can say is this.....in a situation like that. If ever I have any bullets in my gun. I'll either turn around and shoot the bloody generals....or.......I'll shoot MYSELF in the head. TWICE.

Sigh......

Men, friendly fire on.