I'm Free

Feeling nostalgic, I was browsing thru my old mp3 collection. And then...I came across this old japanese song I used to love. You are free by Chage and Aska - hmmmm, wonder what ever happened to these two.

Anyway, I really love this song. It has always been one of my favourites and I guess this is the magic of music. Sometimes you don't have to know the language of the song, but just....close your eyes and listen to the rhythm...and how it moves you. I can only hope everyone out there have heard of this song before. Still, I always wanted to know what the lyrics of this song mean. So, I went online and started looking for the lyrics translation. This is what I found.

Furikaeranai hito wo miteru Boku ni dekiru koto wa mou nai

(Looking at the person who does not turn back There is nothing else that I can do)

Hyakunen kakete mitemo kesenai Tsugunai kirenai kizu wo ataeta you de

(It is like inflicting a wound that cannot be atoned for and won't erase even in a hundred years)

Kimi ya boku no nakama tachi ni wa Wake wa kikanaide to negau yo

(I implore [others] not to ask you and my friends the reason [we broke up])

Kitto kimi wa boku no kotoSeiippai Seiippai Kabatteshimau kara

(Because surely you will end up trying your very best to stick up for me)

"Sore ja ne" to boku kara kiridasu

("Well then" I begin to speak)

"Sore ja ne" to tsubuyaku

("Well then" you said)

Kimi wa machigaezuni aruita Boku kara hanareta

(Without making a mistake you walked [You] separated from me)

Kimi wa yatto jiyuu ni natta Kimi wa mou kanashimu koto mo nai

(You finally became free, You are no longer sad)

Keredo tadoritsuita yakusoku wa Furidashi yori warui basho datta ne

(However the promise that [we've] held on to, Was in a worst place than the outset)

Hitotsume no yoru wo koeretara Futatsume no yoru wo koete miyou

(If I can pass the first night, Let's try to pass the second night)

Sabishisa no binetsu ga tsudzuitemo

(Even if the slight fever of loneliness continues)

Omowazuni Omowazuni Mata kurikaesu kara

(Involuntarily [It] will repeat again)

Now that I understand what the song means, I have grown to appreciate it more...and especially at this very moment of my life. If I were to invert the meaning of this song the other way around, I'm truly free....

Truth is, I truly miss my ex alot (ok...I know I have killed all chances to find another girlfriend after saying this). We shared many ups and downs together. And now we're apart, not even as friends, I feel it was the right thing to do. It wasn't fair for me and her to be friends as long as I have feelings for her. What ever may come, let it come. But for now, I consider myself free. I know I still love her, but this is a love that will end up hurting the both of us.

Loving someone, does not mean you necessary have to own them. I don't want to get hurt for just loving another person. This way, I know I can truly let my feelings be and not be hurt. One day maybe I can let go, but maybe I won't. Still, I feel so liberated cos I don't need to surpress and hide my feelings anymore. I won't deny my feelings. I guess....this is what it means of being free.....

Music is a part of my life. There are times, I come across certain songs that really describes the way I feel. Its the greatest form of expression. Nothing else comes close......

Past 48 hours....damn, what a rush

Man, the past 2 days was intense.

So many things happened for the past 2 days that it all seemed to be a blur to me now.

It started out slow initially. It was really boring at work yesterday and I was dreading every minute of it. SL was bad, customers were rude and I seriously didn't wanna be at work. But then later on, while having dinner with Marcel and Cassie, we came up with this bright idea to go somewhere for drinks after work.

Eventually, after punch-out...we took a cab straight to Holland V and then settled down in Wala Wala. Not only we were dead-tired, we were damn hungry...cos we didn't eat much of the Fear Factor food of our cafeteria. Hmmm....sometimes I wonder how we survived all this while from the crap they have been serving us. No doubt the food's cheap, but atleast serve us something edible....by human kind!!! The food they serve sometimes looks like something out of a horror movie that they use as props for gut-spilling-bloody scenes. *pukes*

Anyway....back to Wala Wala.

We ordered quite a hefty amount of food for 3 people. First we started off with french fries, and then we ordered this gigantic Hawaiian Pizza. I think it tasted ok, but as usual, Marcel was complaining the crap out of it. Apparently he has high standards when it comes to pizzas. Still, eating pizza wasn't exactly the main reason for us to be there......it was just to have a good and relaxing time to ourselves.

The funny thing is, I was the only one working the next day...at the 9AM shift!!! But still, I was the only one that didn't want the night to end. Not very often I get to go out and have drinks with my "sister" and "brother". We then ordered drinks. We started with beer.....we had Kilkenney, Strongbow and Stella Artois. And when we finished those, we felt it wasn't enough....then we ordered another jug of Stella Artois. Must admit...its a pretty smooth drink, not too gassy if you ask me.

All in all, we had a good time. Here's one of me and my bro...Marcel.

And here's one with my long lost sister, Cassie!! She's one of the closest people I've known in Singapore and she's definately family to me. No second question. Her boyfriend Jeo joined us in the later part of the night. A very nice guy too....... a good guy. Known him since our training days.

Later that night, the pub closed around 1Am, and me being me, I didn't wanna go home yet. So, we went to a close by coffeeshop...where me and Cassie ordered 2 more bottles of Heineken. It was really fun. Chatting, gossipping, sharing life experiences. Its been a while since I have had a good conversation with close friends. Consequently, I got home around 3AM. And by the time I was ready for bed....it was already 4AM. Sigh...and I was thinking to myself.....in 4 hours time, I have to wake up and get ready for work again.

The next day, time REALLY picked up speed. Just 15 minutes from punching-in, I was already swarmed with an overload of work. I later on remembered that I was suppose to attend the CS-Reccom Bowling competition after work.....and I was suppose to participate!!! I was thinking..."How am I gonna throw a 12 pound ball straight when I only slept for 4 hours?!?!?"

In the end, I didnt really had a choice. I was the house Vice-Captain anyway. So it was kinda my duty to attend these functions. Sheesh...the day I accepted the postion of Vice-Captain....BIG MISTAKE. So much obligations to everything.

So after worked, I rushed to the Chevron's Bowling Center with all the necessary provisions. Initially I droved there in my manager's car to deliver the trophies and drinks for the tournament, and then helped around to organise the event before the contestants arrived. The situation was kinda chaotic that I even forgot to have my dinner.

Soon, when the ball started rolling (no pun intended)....we really had a blast and I kinda felt it really wasn't that bad. Kinda glad I signed up for this. The below was a pic taken at the tournament. Our call-center Director Terrence "The Big Kahuna" Teo was one of the contestants. And I can tell you....he's one heck of a bowler. Year after year, he has always clinche the title of top bowler...even at inter-company events.

And of course, there were some interesting to see as well. Colleagues from other departments.

And here's my team....which I must say...didn't do very well. But it was all in good fun anyway.

And here's my colleague Mac. A sweet gal, which has one really mean swing when it comes to bowling.

Later, things actually got interesting. There was a time in the game where I struck a 4 badger...and had a high-game of 191 points. At that moment, I seriously started to get excited as I was in line to bag the trophy for highest game. But then moments later.......Terrence, scored a high game of 205 points. Sigh....he IS the big Kahuna anyway.

After the tournament, my managers invited me for a late supper at a place call Spicez (this is one freaking good makan place!!!!! For the first time in Singapore I have found delicious malay food!!!!! The mee goreng pattaya is D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S! ~drools~). Anyway, little did I know, when I got there....it would seem all the high ranking managers were there too!

Sheesh, I was really suprised by it. I was really caught off guard, cos I thought it was only Da Boss, me and a few others. But there we were.....the managers, and even Terrence was there, all together at a mamak stall by the roadside, eating prata with our hands! In retrospect, I was the only low level officer at that table. It was really a sight to remember. I will definately not forget this night.

Sigh :) so you can see....its been a real rush from yesterday till today. I just got home now....and I'm dead tired. Still, it was all worth it. Really enjoyed myself thoroughly...thru and thru.

Reality BITES

Apparently, working in the morning shift this week, I found myself having a surprising amount of free time when I got home.

Every night, I would switch on the "idiot" box and start to gawk at it for hours long before I fall right asleep in front of it. One thing that I realize every night is......there's always a reality show on air. For the past one week, I have been watching shows like The Bachelor, Survivor, The Amazing Race, and a few others. The thing that caught my attention is that all of these reality shows have is one thing on common. You can see the ugly side of the human psyche.

These shows will literrally bring out the worst in people and you can see all the contestants in each show slugging each other out mercilessly. No doubt that what we see on TV is "doctored" to make things more interesting...hence all the gore and bicthin and swearing are all enhanced to increase viewership. Then again, these are true human instincts and behaviours. Its scary to see what are people capable of....the lying, the cheating, the back-stabbing. But you know whats even more scarier? The fact that these are the factors of the show that gets viewers tuning in.

Week after week, more and more viewers tune in the same channel to watch these vultures duke it out. They can't seem to get enough of it. The more drama and ugly it gets, the more interesting it is. Its kinda sickening when you think about it. I mean, if you really look at the bigger picture...its ridiculous! Alot of people these days know what they see on reality shows are mostly planned and "doctored"...but why watch it every week? Cos' its simply exciting. The more vicious and scheming a character of the show is...the more he's rooted for. Everyone likes a bad-ass-mother *toot* taking out all the goodie-too-shows of the show. C'mon...in the real world, the good guy always finish last. Its a dog eat dog world, people.....you have to have balls of steel and you have to play dirty sometimes to win the game.

So, at the end of the day...we don't really care who wins a million dildos, we just like watching the proccess of the whole thing. And oh ya...another thing...reality shows also proves the obvious. How greedy people can get. Lets not go far into each and every one of the shows. Just look at Rob & Amber...the ala perfect couple from Survivor that thinks "oh, we're so perfect for each other and let's screw everyone over." As if winning one million in Survivor isn't enough, now they're even joined the Amazing Race. Sheesh....talk about greed. And I bet, they were approached and paid a small sum to join the Race.

Hmmm, talk about ironic. As I'm typing this, The Apprentice is on air right now on Channel 5. This is also another classic reality show thats full of malice and back-stabbing. The only difference? The contestants wear suits. But then again, there's Donald Trump. Anyone ever wondered what on earth is that thing on his head?!?!? Sometimes it just looks like a piece of rag...and sometimes it looks like a dead dog! Its...its...its....there it goes again!!! I think the damn thing just moved in front of national TV!!!!! And this guy is one of the richest man in America. Man, maybe he should spend some money on a grooming consultant....and if he already has one...he should be shot......twice.

Still, no doubt about his wealth though. Sometimes I wonder how these people do it. Was surfing the net the other day and came across this list from Forbes.com

The only thing I can say? THE NERDS RULZ!!!!!! Who's having the laugh now? Not some muscle bound jockey or some good-looking ala model narcissist.....but its the dorks and the geeks!!! Way to go! And sometimes, who says family is good for nothing?...just look at postions 6 thru 10. Looks like the Walton family is doing preeeety well. Any guesses who these people are? Heard of Wal-Mart? There you go.

And of course, the pole-position always belongs to the Nerd of the Millenium (sigh...my hero) Bill Gates [if you don't know who this is...shoot yourself...twice. And we'll bury you next to Donald Trump's grooming consultant] However, to make it into this list is never easy. I'm sure they are years of hard work, sweat, tears and degradatory mocking (Bill..... I know how you feel brudder!) and of course...a lil bit of luck.

But at the end, you know who's the smartest person of them all? Mark Burnnet. By all means, he is the father of reality TV, and now he's racking in the millions. And how does he do it? Easy...he just shows us whats already in every single one of us. And he does it week, after week, after week, after week..............

Every could has its silver lining

Its that time of the week again people!!! Its Saturday night!!! Time to parrrrteeee, get drunk and get wasteeeeeed!!!

But of course, I'm at home as usual...livin my same old uneventful mundane life, and relishing the thought of working tomorrow. Thats right people....you heard me right, "Working Tomorrow" aka...Easter Sunday holidays. Sigh...

However, this night aint that all bad. For I too have something up my sleeve tonight, its....Laundry Night!!!! WooOOOOOOhOOOoOoo!!! If you can only see the hapiness on moi face.

Anyway, today was a crappy day. And thank god, its over. Had so many complain cases today that really pissed me off. One after another, god-damned customers keep on complaining on small minor things that bear no significance. And the worst? FREEBIE-SEEKERS. Freaking cheapskates....one lady even wanted a life time free subscriptions to her post-paid line. Who on earth does she think she is?!?!!? If I wasn't working in this line, I'll give her a bloody good tongue lashing and use a "siakap" and slap the crap out of her....sheesh.

Later on, I attended a briefing today on the new performance standards that will be in effect starting from April. Seems like the company is increasing our performance standards and it will definately have a major impact on the CSOs. More is expected from us, and it will be more difficult to hit KPI (Key Performance Index) requirements. Man, you can be sure that stress level will surely sky-rocket.

Next, things seemed to get even worse. I got a call from my mum later in the afternoon. It was a casual chat but things got ugly when she kinda "reminded" me to send some money home this month. I must admit I kinda flared up. I mean...c'mon, I know my responsibility as a son and I have never failed to send money home every month. I would never in my life let my parents down and they have always been my priority. My mum does not need to remind me on these things. Sigh.....but I guess after the call, I felt guilty about reacting that way. I never should have raised my voice. Looks like I have to call her back later....

So, as you can see I kinda had a real crappy day. But sometimes, I guess life kinda turns around and surprises you. When I got off work, I was sitting around in my office lobby where suddenly a colleague joined me for a chat before I left. In a way, even though the chat was a brief one, I felt really relieved after that. When you're chatting with someone that shares the same wave-lenght as you have....things aint that bad. Not very often you get to have a real, good, meaningful conversation where both parties share the same amount of talk time. And the best part is, the other party understands exactly what you are trying to say. Don't it just irritates you to be in a conversation and the other fella just can't stop yakking? Also, I just hate it when you have to put a constraint on yourself cos your not too sure if that person fully understands you. Thankfully, with this friend of mine, everything was free-flow.

Sometimes, its the little things in life that makes the difference.

Still, it would seem later on the night got better. Was surfing the net earlier on and I saw this ad on a new movie called Sin City. Its actually a comic book adaptation and alot of major stars are acting in it.

Cool poster eh?, It stars Bruce Willis, Mickey Rourke, Rosario Dawson, Josh Hartnett, Benicio Del Toro, Michael Madsen, Clive Oven, Elijah Wood and.......

Jessica Alba!!!! WooOOOoOHooOoo!! PheeEEeEEEeew-WeEEeEEt!!!!! ~drools~ Aint she a babe? She's my favourite SIN.

:) The day was really full of ups and downs. But still, its just another day. Whatever we do today, or whatever we had to go through, tomorrow will still come whether we like it or not. We have 2 choices, if we have a bad day, we can sit around and cry...or make the best out of it and hope that the next day is a better one. I choose, the latter. No point crying around. The world's not going to stop just for you. The sun's gonna rise, the wind's gonna blow.

Opps....gotta go call me mum now.

Dance with the devil in a pale moonlight

Its been a real peaceful day......

Work has been pleasant, as today's the Good Friday public holidays and call volume has been low. Still, sometimes things can get kinda hilarious. Received a call today from a customer..."Have anyone called in today and made a complaint on me for making nuisance calls?"

Hehehe...you should have seen the look on my face.

Anyway, when I got off work today; I decided to take a short stroll before I came home...and one thing I noticed is that; its a full moon night. Somehow, gazing at the moon for a moment in utter silence puts my mind at ease....just simply peaceful. The moon was so bright that I can even see the "Sea of Tranquility" with my naked eye...the dark side of the moon.

They say many funny things happens during a full moon night. According to scientific research, apparently the gravity of the moon is increased when its full and it affects human behavior. People seemed to be more active, wild and...lustful.

But I guess the most common phenomenon associated with the full moon is werewolve-rism. Everyone has heard of the horror stories of the night where a man turns himself into a wolf during the glare of a pale moon light. However, werewolve-rism is'nt excatly fictional. According to medical findings, this medical condition is called lycanthropy. This happens when one person has delusions of becoming a wolf. The person will then presume himself to have taken the form of a wolf and will exudes characteristics of a wolf. Hmmmm...interesting huh?

Many things can't be explained yet in this world. Maybe its just a matter of time. Many of us I'm sure have been asked this question before.."Do you believe in ghosts?". Well, my answer is..."I do believe in the after life..and also spirits", but sometimes when we see certain things we can't explain...its not neccesarily a ghost. I mean, 1000 years ago when cave men saw fire, they thought it was magic and it was a gift from god. Today, science is able to explain fire. So, maybe in future, science will also be able to explain what we can't explain today.

Hmmm...all this talk about the paranormal and how a full moon affects us....I think its starting to affect me too.....suddenly I have.......a huge hunger for food!!!! (errr...cos I missed dinner). Wanna go satisfy my appetite now....GROoOOoOOOWL!!!!

Cherish the past, anticipate the future

Can everyone say "hypocrite"??? All together now.....

HEEEEE-POOOOH-CREEEEEEET.

Very good.

Sometimes I just cant understand people. On one hand they seem so passionate, with full of conviction about certain things; and on the other, they bitch and complain on other people that is doing the exact same thing. Why cant you practice what you preach??? One thing that annoys me the most is people who thinks what they are doing is always right and when you compare them to those which they condemn in the first place...they'll give you all sorts of lame excuses to prove what they are doing is entirely a different thing.

Freakin hilarious.

Oh well, nothing I can do about it anyway. Ain't my problem to begin with.

Haven't been sleeping well for the past few days. Can't seem to adjust well to the drastic shift changes. Everyday when I come home around 7pm, I'll immeadiately fall asleep and will wake up in the middle of the night. Then, when that happen's, I can't sleep for the rest of the night. Anyway, today was kind of a slow day. Went out for a while to meet Marcel for lunch, then later went to do some grocery shopping at Carrefour. And I guess....thats about it.

Still, I guess sometimes in life we have to have certain things to look forward too...right? Else, there wouldnt be much fun livin. For instance, on a working day, I'm looking forward to meet my colleagues at work. When I'm at work, I'm looking forward for my meal break, then my "unschedule" breaks, then if I'm lucky, there will be adhoc briefings and then finally....home!!! And on a weekly basis, I'll be looking forward for my off days, and on a monthly basis...I'm looking forward for my pay day!!! So I guess in a way, we should be pretty contended as we have so much to look forward to right? But of course...lets not forget our past entirely..as, it is our past that made us who we are today, right? :)

It has been fairly interesting working in Singapore. I have met many many fantastic people and made even greater friends. Here's a treat for all of you...a small collection of pics I have taken over the past 2 years.

Here's a pic when I was still a fresh "fish" in Training. Made some really good friends there.

This pic was taken during last year's DnD Night...

And alas, this is a long overdued pic during the Halloween celebrations in my office. Been delaying posting up this pic for quite a while. The below "freaks" are actually the organising committee of the whole event. So you can guess we really had our fun.

And this is of course my lovely manager...Miki!

Merry X'mas!!! This was taken during last year's X'mas celebrations...yeah, i know, i know....Santa went on a diet.

This is one of the best and enjoyable events I helped organised. We had had a BBQ party at West Coast Park. Too bad I didn't manage to snap some pics of the scenary....its a real beautiful place.

Looks like I had quite a time in Singapore huh? Sigh...whatever reason it might be that brought me to Singapore.....I will definately cherish these memories.

Opps!! oh ya!! and Before I pen off...I wanna wish a friend of mine ...CONGRATULATIONS!!!! She finally passed her driving exam and got her licence...after.......errr....a few attempts. Hehehhe...happy for you babe!!

The best mirror is an old friend

Its always a great feeling to catch up with an old friend. Especially one that you have not seen and heard from for a VERY long time. So much so that you even thought you might never hear from this person again.

Then again, this is when technology steps in.

As I was browsing in the ever popular Friendster (Ok...I know its lame), I came across an old friend's profile. Apparently she's now studying in Australia. When I manage to get in touch with her, it was really refreshing. I just called her up a moment ago and its nice to hear a familiar voice again. We had so much to catch up on, that we spent nearly 2 hours on the phone.

Its really fun to catch up with old friends and chat about the old days and even talk about all the things that you have missed out on their lives....and of course, how much they have changed. But I guess one thing that will never change is...they are still your friends. Thats the beauty of friendships....as long as there was a point of time that the friendship was forged, no matter how far you go and how long you have not heard from that person, you will still greet them as warmly as ever.

Thats why, I am looking forward for all those high school/college re-unions that will come in future. I just hope that I will be available at that time, seeing that I live so far from home.

There are those special friends in life that you can never replace. Thinking about all my buddies back in Penang...I feel so at ease with them, that I can really be with myself. Cos we know each other so well, that we have zero expectations on one another. We know each other so well that we even know how each other will react or feeling....isnt that great? Being able to be yourself, without being judge.

Hmmmm....have anyone watched the latest American Idol? One of the contestants were singing this song that I havent heard of in such a long time....Incomplete, by Sisqo. Man...its such a great song. Immeadiately I load up the mp3 and have been playing it ever since. Great lyrics, great tune, great rhythm.....its just one of those feel good songs. Highly recommended!!!

Even though it seems I have everything

I don't wanna be a lonely fool

All of the women, all the expensive cars

All of the money don't amount to you

I can make believe I have everything

But I can't pretend that I don't see

That without you girl my life is incomplete

(Extracted from Incomplete by Sisqo)

Pheeeeeew-wEeEEet...hey sexy

Every action, will result in an equal reaction...from the opposite direction.

Everything happens for a reason right? Well, to be honest, I just finished reading a friend's blog and I'm kinda dissapointed. As I was reading through her blog, many questions come into mind and I feel that sometimes when someone makes you unhappy, try to understand the underlaying reason of why the person is reacting this way. No doubt that people should always handle problems maturely, but when emotions and feelings are flaring; not even the sanest person is this world could talk logically. As for my friend, all I can say is that.....think of what has this problem of hers' come to? Look at the bigger picture. And don't be too quick to judge others before you judge yourself. Admitting your own faults and mistakes is one thing, understanding its re-percussions and accepting it, is another. I will not touch on details. But one thing she wrote is true.....money will definately test a person's integrity......Dear writer, reflect on that. "orca increpito lebes niger..."

Anyway, on another note....what'ya know! I received my first comment on the previous blog entry..hehehe...well, I do know exactly who you are. And I'm glad that someone's actually reading the crap I write every night! Thanks a million!

It was a real funny day today. On my way home today, me and a few colleagues got on the same shuttle bus to get to the nearest MRT station. When we got there, as everyone was alighting the bus, being as cheeky as I am, I wolf-whistled at my god-sis Cassie as she was passing me by. I went, "Pheeeeew-weEeeEeeEeEt.... hey sexy". And to my surprised.....one old lady in front of the bus turned around and looked at me!!! I was like.....errrrrr......okaAaAaay..........

You can imagine the laughter that bursted out of all my colleagues. They just simply couldnt stop laughing and I can practically see tears coming out from their eyes. Oh well, I guess I made one Auntie really, really happy today.

Anyway, today I managed to take a pic of my department's sweetheart. She's so far the youngest member in our circle and I guess her name describes her well enough. She's a real nice, sweet and simple gal, which makes her kinda endearing. But guys, before you all out there get excited over this sweet young thing....she's already attached.....sigh, yeah I know...I felt the same way too when I found out.

Gentlemen....here's Chun....kinda chun huh? Pheeeew-WeEEeEEeeeeET!!!

Natural Born Statisticians

Just had my dinner and I must say.......man, that was crap.

On my way home, I had a sudden craving for nasi kandar. So, I dropped by at a local mamak shop near my place and I guess the dishes look presentable enough. Thats what I thought. When I got home, and started to eat my heavily anticipated packet of nasi kandar, immeadiately I felt like crying....I miss Penang Nasi Kandar!!!!!!!!! To be honest, I have been in Singapore for nearly 2 years and NONE of the curry I have tasted in Singapore comes close. I mean....is there any food and beverage ministry in Singapore that can monitor the acceptable level of curry delicious-ness in Singapore???? In Penang, the nasi kandar I had just now would be banned and condemned!!! They have commited the ultimate sin for producing such level of curry!!! MY GOD WHAT HAS THIS WORLD COME TO??????

Sigh,...oh well, I guess what goes in still comes out anyway.

Today was fairly an intresting day. Was at work today and I was chatting with this colleague about a guy that's interested in her. Apparently, she had a date with the guy and they were mostly communicating by SMS. The problem is, most of the time, she would be on the line with the customer...and her replies to his SMSes are short and direct.

Now, this is the part where it gets funny. The thing with most guys, is that they are natural born statisticians. Whenever they come across something that does not really make sense, they put a form of measurement to it and consider the pros and cons, and calculate the probability of each outcome and assumption. I really hope this really make sense to you people out there. Let me elaborate more....when he asked her if she would like to invite more friends to join them for a movie, my friend answered her date "Anything". Its a very straight forward and honest answer. Short and sweet. She merely wanted to just let him know...she's alright with having more friends around, but she's also cool if its only the 2 of them. BUT, from this guy's point of view....he was analysing that ONE word that was replied and he was trying to decipher what does she mean by saying that "Anything". Hence, for god knows what conclusion he came to....he just replied..."You seem reluctant to go out with me." So, here's the part when all the question marks come in. ????????????

Funny isnt it?

Its the same case for me as well. Many times in my life, I come across the same dillemma. When I was faced with simple remarks or opinions from other people, immeadiately my mind starts to think of every single possibility what I say or do next, and of course, its outcome. And at the same time, dicipher the information given to me. Simply put...for a guy/gal relationship...I'd be thinking, "What does she mean by that?", "Did it mean this?", "Did it mean that?". Consequently, sometimes the result would end with a moronic statement by myself and totally misinterpreted the remark.

In short, guys are always calculating the odds and probability of things. They're thinking too much. And the sad part, most of the time, even knowing that its the wrong choice after all the calculations; they still do what their heart feels most of the time...rather than their heads.

The "Safe" Life

Its 12.20am...and I cant sleep.

As I lay on my bed, there are so many things that are running thru my mind over and over again. I can feel my body is lethargic, but my mind's like going 300 kM/h. Been thinking of how's everyone back in Penang, when's my next off day gonna be, what does Hong Kong have in store for me...or even what am I gonna have for lunch tommorow. Sheesh...maybe I'm just plain bored.

Sometimes it gets kinda frustrating when you can't exactly pin down what's bothering you. I know I have something in the back of my head that I just can't get a hold on it. So, when tat happens, I try not to think about it and surf the net.

These days, my life have stabilised again. Everything's back in its place and just the way they are. No more dramas, no more anxieties, no more dissapointments. Everyday, I go to work, I come back from work, I eat my meals, watch some TV, I go to sleep. Its a monotonous life...its a "safe" life...no ups, no downs. But sometimes I feel, is this the life that I should be living? No doubt that I chose this life style because of its simplicity. Day in and day out its the same old thing....though, I'm afraid that one day, I will come to a point where I'm so afraid of accepting any other form of commitments or obligations; just because it may disrupt my "safe" life.

The worse part about knowing all this is, I spend so much time psycho-analyzing myself, that I confused myself with all the different conclusions. Still, in the end, I feel that I have chosen this "safe" life because I don't want to be hurt or dissapointed in any way possible. Alot has happened for the past 2 years, that whatever I do seemed to remind me of my previous dissapointments and hurt. In a way, I have crawled back in to a shell and decided to lead a life that is without drama or complexities. So, in this kinda life style I live in, I don't get hurt, nobody else gets hurt.

Sigh....I'm crappin again. Whatever it is, no doubt this is a "safe" life....but one day I hope I can live a "better" life...whatever and however it may be.

Oh yeah, was browsin thru' my PC and I came across this graphic logo that I helped a friend designed. It was supposed to be for her college project, where they have this mocked-up company manufacturing a device that slices chillies. So, since chillies is the main inspiration of the logo's theme...this is what I came up with.



Kinda cool huh? But to be honest, I designed the logo by accident. I was trying out different brush strokes, and suddenly one of them looked like a chilli. Hahah..kinda like how the designer of Lara Croft accidentally made her boobs bigger.....yeah rite.

JetStar....Jet what??????

Finally, we got our flight tickets!!! As it turn out, Marcel and I didn't go to the NATAS travel fair, but instead we purchased our air tickets from a travel agency. Apparently, its actually cheaper compared to the promotions that they were having at the fair, and the gal at the agency assured us that its the cheapest we can find. Of course, it make sense when the airline is a budget airline called JetStar. Wow, I'm so impressed..... sigh....but I guess whatever works if it gets us to Hong Kong at the lowest cost.

So, after splurging a small amount on the tix, I had an urge to then make another small contribution to Singapore Pools. Sadly, I just checked the 4D results a moment ago, and.....no dice. Wasn't even close. Oh well......some other time I guess. Hehe.

But today did have its lil' surprises. We adjourned to Orchard cos we had no idea wat to do at all. When we got there, we ended up watching "Assault on Precinct 13". To my surprise, it was not that bad at all! The movie was raw, interesting and violent. It really showed how fragile human life is from the cold blooded-ness(err...is this even a word?) of the movie. Still, eventhough some parts are kinda unrealistic, but thats just me....I go to the movies cos it brings me out of this world and let our imagination run wild. If I wanted to watch something realistic....I'd go to office. Plenty of real life drama there.

After the show, walking around Orchard really makes my wallet shrink...cos I ended up buying a few shirts for myself. Hahahah....well, even though it was kinda unneccesary, but I just love impulse shoppin. It feels damn good just to go out and totally spend money unplanned.....sigh, I think I better exercise some constraint next time.

But here's the highlight of the day (no doubt a brief one)....on my way back home, I was in the MRT when this good-lookin chick entered the cabin. And wat really surprised me was...she was with her kid brother! I mean, think about it...this young pretty thing..no doubt have tonnes of friends, and furthermore its a Sunday.....is out with her kid brother. Isnt that the sweetest thing? Most gals would shriek with the idea of going out with their kid brothers and rather spend girly time with their friends.

Haha...eventhough I was thoroughly impressed, I didn't do anything about it. I left the train at the next stop and was thinking to myself, there's still hope out there. Guess there ARE nice gals out there after all. Maybe one day I'll bump into sweet young thing again.

Wishful thinking. Wishful thinking. Wishful thinking......

Hong Kong....here I come!!!

A week has passed by...and finally its Saturday night again!! WoooOOoohOooOO!! And i'm not working tommorow!!! hahhaha....hah? Wait a minute....its a Saturday night....I dun have work tommorow......its only 10pm....and...and....and what am I doing at home?!?!?!

sheesh.....talk about whats depressing huh? But anyway, I guess after I started working as a CSO, the concept of weekends and wild Saturday nights are all in the history books. Things have really slowed down and these days its all about work. I'm so used to the job that somehow, I dont look forward to Saturday nights anymore. And even if I'm free like tonight, dunno wat to do or dunno who to go out with. But I guess I always have my trusty PC and animes!!! (anime - Japanese animation aka...cartoons)

Anyway, just to perk things up....I'm going to Hong Kong next month!!!

You see, me and a friend will be travelling to Hong Kong to meet a few important people. First off, we're going to see our old friend Tung Chee-hwa or Ah Hwa, as we used to call him; and wish him well on his resignation from his Chief Executive position in Hong Kong. Then moving on, we will then proceed to meet up with Lee Ka-Shing for some tea since we're there. As usual, I guess we'll be chilling out at our favourite hangout spot under the Kowloon bridge. Let me tell you, Ka-Shing can really crack the best jokes that you can ever imagine. So I guess it will be a pretty fun time with him around. And oh yeah, if we have the time, I'll go meet up with Ah Hu (Hu Jintao) and Ah Bian (Chen Siu-Bian) and shoot some pool. Hopefully, while shooting some pool, we can settle the small problem of Taiwan's independance and China going to war and all that crap.

:) sigh...ok. here's the honest version. Actualli me and Marcel saw a SIA promo in the papers that round trips to Hong Kong was only for $98, so we went to apply for leave and all that nonsense. But when we wanted to book the tix, they were all sold out. However, we're still going to Hong Kong, but maybe by other airlines and also maybe a lil' more expansive. But I guess it should be ok, seeing that we'll be stayin at Siew Chi's place. That way, we get to save quite a fair bit.

So tomorrow we'll be going to the NATAS travel fair to get some tix to Hong Kong on the 6th April, and I guess we should be back on the 8th April. No doubt a short trip, but i guess its gonna be fun. Hey...travelling ard the world is never a bad thing right?

Parting is such sweet sorrow...

Woke up pretty shack this morning. But deep inside feeling kinda good.

It was actually last night that I made a decision that I might regret in future, but I guess I did the right thing. I ended a friendship with someone close to me and the feeling's tearin me apart. As childish as it may sound, it was something I knew it will make the 2 of us happier. Alot has happened between us; and I will definately miss the time we spent together. I guess...for the first time in my life, I think I'm doing the right thing and I'm happy about it. I know that from now on, my friend's life is gonna be better without me and I guess I will continue on with life looking for my own hapiness.

Anyway, all that aside....I really enjoyed myself last night. It was Siew Chi's farewell outing as she's leaving for Hong Kong soon!! Haha...I guess she's looking for greener pasteurs and of course, to be closer to her darling Ah Kiat.

We really had a good time and it was a reunion of sorts. The old gang was back...Me, Marcel, Rena, Carmen and Siew Chi. Its been a long time since I saw all of them and I really really miss them alot. A few others joined in as well, and later we went to New Asia Bar for some drinks and partyin!!!!




Soon, ard 3AM we found ourselves in Lau Pa Sat havin supper and cacthin up on each other's lives. The girls left later on; while Marcel, Chocka and I stayed back till 5AM and TCSS (Talk Cock and Sing Song) So I guess you can understand why I woke up shack, tired and thirsty. Must be the booze.

Haha....It was really a good night for me. Enjoyed myself alot. But in the back of my mind, the decision I made about breakin up the friendship still lingers in my mind.... guess I just have to think less of it.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust....

Well, well, well....its been a pretty long time hasn't? Been a while now since I posted up anything at all. And I guess its been about time.

Hmmm, jeez...look at the date of the post before this. Still cant believe I have abandoned my blog for this long. But anyway, I guess its time to make up for it. So forgive me if this entry's gonna be lenghty..hehehe.

4 months....for the past 4 months, ALOT has happened. For starters, I've been to Shanghai and back. In a way, I consider it quite an enjoyable trip. Saw alot of beautiful and awe inspiring scenaries that really caught my heart. So, how do I describe China? Well, there's always the food that I can never get used to; the land of the bicycles, bicycles and bicycles, and oh yeah.....of course, the beautiful people. *winks* It was snowing when I was there, so i was freezing my ass of most of the time. Still, atleast I have touched snow rite? OK...that was lame. Haha...but jokes aside, I think the place I love the most is of course Suzhou. China has always been notoriously famous for its rude and obnoxious people, but I really tell you...the people in Suzhou are the most well mannered and polite people I have seen. And of course, the food there is the best I have eaten in China.

But among all else, I think the simplest way to descirbe China is...Beautiful. The sights which I saw was simply magnificent and no words can describe how I feel. You really have to be there to appreciate and understand how I feel about it. Below are some of the pics I took with my ever-fantastic-reliable-beautiful Lumix FX-7. Of course, these pics does not justify the country's true beauty.




Moving on, there were more in store for me when I came back. Life has been up, down, up and down again. When I came back from China, work was piling up, good colleagues were leaving and someone special to me that I have once lost came back into my life....only for me to abandon this person. But I guess some would say, I actually abandon myself.

Sounds deep? Well, maybe one fine day...when I have the time...I'll post something up. Then maybe some of you might understand. Friendships and relationships are a real funny thing. One thing I hate the most about it is the drama. Why cant feelings and human relatonships be ever simple? But then again, nothing's ever simple.

Have anyone seen Hitch? If you havent...WATCH IT!!! Seriously, that movie to me...was so meaningful on so many levels. It really made me reflect on what I have been going through for the past 10 months. So i guess, as ironic as it may sound, Hitch really made me understand myself better. And there was this one particular part in the movie which kinda surprised me. It was what a friend mentioned to me exactly quite sometime back..."Sometimes in life you realli have to take the leap....and you have to see whether or not you will fly...or fall."

So I guess that's all for now. I have tonnes of other pics to post up and more to report I guess. Till next time, same time, same place, same blogsite.