Heaven?
Sigh. I guess its better this way.
These days I'm pretty hesitant to update my blog. Not known to many, my life right now isnt exactly a bed of roses.
And what made matters worst. Is that my brilliant brother decided to introduce my blog to my mum. Though, not that I have anything to hide from my mum, but I dont want her to read about my sadness and frustrations.
So, comes along this new service by Blogger Beta. Restricted access on my personal blog.
I never thought I would ever had to resort to this. But still.....having this feature now makes me feel a lil bit more at ease. Now I can bitch, curse, swear and pour out all my frustrations and anger.
What tops the list these days is financially related I guess. For all the hardwork I put in to these years; I have to start all over again. Start saving from scratch. No way I'm touching any of the savings I have back in Penang.
So, what does that leave me? Lower salary compared to 3 years ago. Increasing rental and standard of living. And a huge credit card debt that I have no idea when will I be able to clear. And the worst part? Spending money unnecessarily on people that I have no idea cares for me or not. Still....sometimes you cant measure friendship with the amount of money you spend on them.
Today I had an interesting though infuriating chat with a couple of friends. We were basically just joking around seeing that the weather is rainy, nice and cooling.
Then a friend mentioned, "How nice if we're at Marina South now enjoying a nice steamboat dinner. Heaven".
The moment he said that, naturally I'd want to retort by saying something witty. But then.....it really got me thinking. What is the definition of Heaven to me? Is it winning millions of dollars from the Toto draw? Is it going on a cruise ship holiday in the Carribean? Is it being back in Penang with all my friends?
No.
Somehow, I couldnt explain it. The one simple idea of Heaven to me at that point in time....waking up late in the day with the aroma of home cooked food all prepared.
Thats my idea of Heaven.
Then here comes the infuriating part. Another friend of mine just insensitively commented on my idea of heaven, "Aiya, dreams can be dreams la. Open your eyes and wake up to reality."
By then I really feel like giving him one tight slap. The reason I mentioned my idea of Heaven in the first place was to illustrate how lucky they are. How lucky to have someone by their side everyday. Caring for them. Loving them.
For me, its a daily routine that I have to go out everyday to buy packet-food. Never once have the luxury having someone eat with me for company. Me sitting at home, eating my meals in front of the TV. Day in. Day out.
Alone.
Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind.
These days I'm pretty hesitant to update my blog. Not known to many, my life right now isnt exactly a bed of roses.
And what made matters worst. Is that my brilliant brother decided to introduce my blog to my mum. Though, not that I have anything to hide from my mum, but I dont want her to read about my sadness and frustrations.
So, comes along this new service by Blogger Beta. Restricted access on my personal blog.
I never thought I would ever had to resort to this. But still.....having this feature now makes me feel a lil bit more at ease. Now I can bitch, curse, swear and pour out all my frustrations and anger.
What tops the list these days is financially related I guess. For all the hardwork I put in to these years; I have to start all over again. Start saving from scratch. No way I'm touching any of the savings I have back in Penang.
So, what does that leave me? Lower salary compared to 3 years ago. Increasing rental and standard of living. And a huge credit card debt that I have no idea when will I be able to clear. And the worst part? Spending money unnecessarily on people that I have no idea cares for me or not. Still....sometimes you cant measure friendship with the amount of money you spend on them.
Today I had an interesting though infuriating chat with a couple of friends. We were basically just joking around seeing that the weather is rainy, nice and cooling.
Then a friend mentioned, "How nice if we're at Marina South now enjoying a nice steamboat dinner. Heaven".
The moment he said that, naturally I'd want to retort by saying something witty. But then.....it really got me thinking. What is the definition of Heaven to me? Is it winning millions of dollars from the Toto draw? Is it going on a cruise ship holiday in the Carribean? Is it being back in Penang with all my friends?
No.
Somehow, I couldnt explain it. The one simple idea of Heaven to me at that point in time....waking up late in the day with the aroma of home cooked food all prepared.
Thats my idea of Heaven.
Then here comes the infuriating part. Another friend of mine just insensitively commented on my idea of heaven, "Aiya, dreams can be dreams la. Open your eyes and wake up to reality."
By then I really feel like giving him one tight slap. The reason I mentioned my idea of Heaven in the first place was to illustrate how lucky they are. How lucky to have someone by their side everyday. Caring for them. Loving them.
For me, its a daily routine that I have to go out everyday to buy packet-food. Never once have the luxury having someone eat with me for company. Me sitting at home, eating my meals in front of the TV. Day in. Day out.
Alone.
Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind.
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