Reflections of Time

Hmmmm...seems like its been ages since I have blogged at this un-Godly hour.

I have no idea why, but I just feel like jotting down some of my thoughts. I started to noticed that my few recent posts were all about what I have done and what I have did; rather than "how" life have been.

Time for some.....reflection.

Recently, I've started to notice alot about the things around me. And in a way, I have started to understand myself better as well. How long has it been? 2 years? No....I guess longer than that.

19th June 2003

Thats the date I entered into Singapore and started my life here. Almost 2 and a half years ago. And since then....I've grown so much.

Things were a little different back then. Fresh out of college and enjoying a young relationship. Naive. Innocent. Childish. Ignorant. These are the many words that can describe me at that time and place.

I've learnt alot. But one of the things I've learnt is also how important and precious time can be. 2 things. Time can heal all wounds; and time.....shows you who are your true friends. And with that, I'm happy to say for all that I've endured, I have great friends that stuck with me thru thick and thin.

These days, I look in the mirror and I don't see the person whom I used to be. Good or bad, I don't know. But I'm still here and taking one day at a time.

Also, I have submitted my PR applications last week. In some ways, I am really excited about it. Because with it, comes the possibilities of applying for new jobs. Jobs that I have always wanted to try out. And jobs which are much more fulfilling that the current one. Its the hope of something prospectful I guess. I want so much more out of life.

To be honest......looking back, when I first came to Singapore...I thought all of this would only be temporary. I have always loved Penang and never thought of leaving home......and soon, one day I will be home again. But now I find myself having been here for so long and also applying for PR. And now....I start to doubt will I ever be able to adjust myself back to Penang life if I ever to go back.

Will I miss Singapore if I ever go back? Will things be the same the way I left them back in Penang? In many ways, I do not wish to know the answers to those questions.

The other day, my uncle came to Singapore for a short visit with his family. When I brought ,y uncle back to my place, he asked me, "Aren't you lonely staying alone?". My answer was of course in jest and I told him I have already grown used to it. I told him when I broke off with my ex 2 years ago, I have already adapted and got use to the fact I am.....alone in Singapore. Still, we have to do what we do in order to survive. And to a certain degree, I am....happy.

Then my uncle told me he can never live a life like mine. As he says that its important for one to come home to a warm house with someone to greet you....someone to make your life more colorful. Its true what he said. But for me, it isnt much of a choice.

But what he said next.....truly broke my heart.

According to him, he says that my parents are really worried about me. My mother especially...... mentioned that she knows I'm all alone in Singapore. And I do have alot of sadness in my heart but I'm not telling them anything at all. She's worried whether I have anyone that I can find consolation in....and who's going to take care of me.

I feel really down when I know my parents are worried about me. All I want for them is to be happy and not to worry about me.

If I ever have the courage to tell them....this is what I will tell my parents, "Mom, dad.....don't worry about me. I'm a big boy. I will live my life to the best of my ability and I hope that I will never dissapoint you all."

Its been one unforgettable journey this past 2 and a half years. I've learned and growned. Who knows what will come for the next 2 years.