Call Center's Greatest Fan(s)

Ignorance is bliss. Yeah right.

There's a thin line between ignorance and pure stupidity. When someone tells you that ignorance is bliss; they're just trying to make themselves feel a little better about themselves. Denial.

And whats worse than stupidity? Stupidy plus arrogance. Its a simple formula. This my friends, is the type of calls that I was getting at work today.

One after another, each caller seemed more and more stupider by the minute and EVERYONE of them is plain arogant about it. Hey, just because you can't understand the bill.....everyone else is just "dumb" to you.

Well, if ur that stupid...then yeah, everything else is kinda dumb to them. Cos all they can understand is.....1+1 = errrr.....2? But wait...better give them some time, cos they might need to use their toes to calculate.

Class, can everyone say....I'm a moron?

I'm a mOoOOoOOor-rooOon, teee-cher.

Very good.

Seems like we encounter all sorts of customers everyday. Rude, arrogant, homocidal, irrational, moronic. I can name a lot more, but my favourite is definately; imbeciles.

As I was recovering from each stupidity attack after my calls, I started to think of all the serial callers that never fail to call in every single day to irritate us to the max. Hence, here's a list of the usual suspects that I have compiled.

To all my colleagues, please feel free to add more if I ever miss out any of your favourites.

Suspect 1: The Perv(s)

Every now and then a perv always calls in just to speak to female officers. They can range from just normal chats to serious stalking and staff harrassment. Over the years, so far my company have terminated one particular customer's line cos he was calling in almost 20 to 30 times a day to look for one particular CSO. I have no idea how, but we have even heard that this sicko manage to find out where the CSO was staying.

Other than that, the 2 other classic callers are the pre-paid card perv that just call in, shouts "BIG BOOBS!" and then hang up. Trust me, this guy never quits. He can do this non-stop for the entire day. And lastly, according to the night team, there is this guy, who calls in and just ask TONNES of general enquiries. And when the CSO starts to explain and answer to his enquiries; suddenly.......heavy panting can be heard over the line.

Suspect 2: The Greatest "Fan"

Another serial caller of my call center are.....the "fan boys". This *ahem* group of men, calls in and prefers to talk to only.....men. Classic example? One of these "boys" actually send a birthday card to one CSO. 'Nuff said. NEXT!!!

Suspect 3: The Sisters

Similar to Suspect 2, these women on the other hand, only wants to talk to female officers. I guess the most memorable "caller" we had was the one that has a password; "ilovegirlhughuggirl". Catchy, huh? This caller practically calls in almost every night and can start telling officers that how much she loves this other girl and how pretty they are. Also, when she gets bored, she then starts asking the officer if they are pretty instead.

Suspect 4: The Wordsmith

From what I refer to as the Wordsmith is people who have a wide vocabulary of......vulgarities. Ever so often, we have a few elite customers calling in and screaming out words that you never thought existed. In one single sentence, 9 words out of 10 are actually vulgarities and I'm truly amazed that anyone can actually do that.

There was one, this guy literally used 2 phones; let me repeat - 2 PHONES to call in and scream and shout like mad and wanted to speak to the manager. With one phone in hand, he calls in and started to condemn the manager he was talking to; and on another hand, he was dialling in from another phone to scream and shout demanding to speak to another manager!

All I want to say..... Sir, I respect you.

Suspect 5: The Britney Spears Ringtone Maniac

Another one of my call center favourites. A prepaid card customer that calls in every single day and demands officers to guide him on how to download the Britney Spears ringtone into his phone. Day after day he never fails. And what's worse is, he will literally give the officer hell and sometimes calls can last as long as 1 hour.

Things have now gotten so bad that the management has assigned one manager to handle him whenever he calls in. Everytime we receive one of his calls, it is now a "procedure" to transfer the call to that manager.

These days, this customer has been trying his luck not to get transferred. So, he has been changing his name everytime he calls in. Previously he use to introduced himself as Mr. Perry. But the last i heard, he now identifies himself as Ah Siang ge.

With this sort of customers calling in every single day, God help us all......